Second thoughts…

Randy and I had a moment of truth Thursday evening.  Long story short our I-600A had been sent to the wrong office so two weeks later we received it back (minus the $830 check) with the correct address to send it to.  Friday I called the bank and $25 later a stop payment was put on the check.  I believe in “signs,” things that are supposed to hint to you you may not be heading in the right direction in your life. 

Signs:

Nepal regulates number of adoptions to 10 per agency per year.  We are pushed back to 2010 at the earliest.

Nepal changes expiration dates increasing our expenses in the thousands.

Immigration paper work is returned to us, check is lost, delayed two weeks.

Missing paper work. 

Miscommunication.

Our health insurance changed from 80/20 to 50/50.

The economy is terrible.  Four thousand (plus) people were laid off from Cessna in Wichita Friday.  Four thousand people may be without and income, insurance, and even hope as of January 30.  Aviation is a scary industry to rely on and rely on it we do.

My job is contract with no promises of a permanent position in site. 

Parents are indifferent to the idea of adoption (or acquiring grandchildren in general).

My point is we have a lot of reasons to question our desire to adopt a child(ren).  As the expenses keep growing, the wait continues to increase, and the job market becomes even more unstable; we question our decision to start a family. 

We love the life we have.  We love each other and the time we spend together.  We love our animals and our little farm.  We don’t love our jobs and have always had dreams of retiring early and living off of what we could provide for ourselves or sell off of our farm. 

We have come to the conclusion we should appreciate what we have.  Enjoy each day and not try to plan our lives to the very end.  Our adoption is now on hold (so to speak) so we can have some time to reevaluate what we really want out of life. 

Our dreams involve traveling the world, retiring early, saving abandoned animals, taking care of our parents as they age, and taking care of each other.  We are not so sure we are willing to change all of those dreams just yet.  Selfish, maybe, but the world is a scary place right now.  We have always said we don’t want to bring a child into this world and now aren’t so sure we would like to raise one in it either.  We may change our minds later in life, but for now we just aren’t ready. 

Another thing we discussed last night is the idea of adoption as, “giving a child a better life.”  Okay, probably, but what about the fact they are stripped of their culture, their homeland, and their familiar surroundings.  Who are we as Americans to think this life if better than that of another countries.  Randy and I dream of a simple life which is the farthest thing from the reality of life in America where taxes (income, property, and otherwise) rule your life. 

To us, to live in a place without electricity means no electric bills.  To live in a place where there is not a Walmart on every corner means we can grow our own food in our garden and raise our own animals for dairy, meat, and eggs.  To live in a place where handmade goods are sold at markets means people still have skills and talents passed down from generation to generation.  Meals are prepared and eaten together as a family (did you know there are three of them). 

We dream of a life like this.  Americans tend to believe we are at the top of the food chain, pecking order, ladder, and every other proverbial list known to man.  If we take a step back we might just see our lack of life skills, dwindling family values, negligible respect for nature, discontentment about being “stuck” at home, our love affair with the ol’ mighty dollar, consumerism, and the list goes on and on.  It doesn’t make us the Land of the “Free.”  It makes us the land of the stressed, over worked, over taxed, never home, and stuck on a financial treadmill that beats the happiness right out of us. 

For now, we have decided to be free.  To attempt to live the life we always dreamed of, just the two of us (plus a small pack of dogs).  We hope to make plans to travel within our own borders and beyond.  We plan to hike through nature and mingle in the cities.  We plan to spend money and save money.  To pay off debt, save for early retirement, and become more self-sufficient and self-reliant. 

Most importantly, we plan to enjoy our lives while we are here on this Earth.